Monday, January 11, 2010

Moving to the Swamp

So my husband sent a letter to his brother asking for some advice.

He writes...

Shari's uncle, Phil, wants to create an air conditioning system that uses ground water to cool instead of a refrigerant. The whole system should be able to cool a house using far less energy than an typical air conditioner and cost much less in parts and installation. Phil wants to build, test, and franchise the system. (This is not a new concept really - just not being done using low-end conventional parts making it affordable for the average homeowner.)
Phil has proposed that I come to Florida, perhaps for a year, and oversee the construction on his rural 20 acres of the building we would use to test the air conditioning units. (We would need to build a small building in order to properly test the unit). Once the building and testing are complete he wants to frame another house on a different property he owns and try to sell it. He has workers but they need oversight since they aren't always reliable so he has asked if I would be willing to do this.

In return...

He will pay enough potentially to end the year debt free with some money in the bank.

But...

We will live in a half-finished mobile home in alligator land with a neighbor who is anti-social. Now by anti-social I mean he shoots first and doesn't ask questions. He once shot at the tow truck drivers Phil hired to tow one of his old trucks off the property. Perhaps this an understandable mistake, seeing that a couple nights earlier some kids did try to steal the tires off the truck. He shot at them too. He succeeded in scaring them off -- at least until they could gather a lot more help. Apparently they believed that with greater numbers if some went down with bullet wounds there would still be others to finish the job and get the tires.
We will have a pond on the property with plenty of water moccasins (the worlds' most poisonous snakes) and Phil says that he and his wife have only been bitten by scorpions a couple of times. There's no need to be concerned about the snakes though -- just mow the grass a lot. It's normal to mow over some snakes which is good because the ones that get out of the way are the non-poisonous kind who are much quicker and eat the poisonous kind that happen to survive the lawnmower.
On the plus side we hear that most of the poisonous snakes were burned up in the fire the neighbor started when he decided he wanted to have a bonfire during a drought when there was a ban on all fires. He burned down the neighborhood's trees (and his own trailer and truck) and then fled under death threats from the other neighbors. Some of them were counting on the lumber value of the trees now destroyed as their retirement fund. The local police officers advised the guy who burned down the trees that he really should run if he valued his life.
Good did come from the fire though. It caused a type of plant commonly thought of as a weed in the area to produce fruit; which they discovered was worth $2.50 per pound as a supplemental herb. Because of the drought most other sources for this fruit weren't producing, but the burned neighborhood had thousands of pounds. So Phil purchased a trailer and agreed to haul this fruit to the purchasing factory if the people in the neighborhood would simply harvest the fruit and dump it into the trailer. They would have profited nicely except that no one bothered to harvest it because it was too much work to get off the couch. (Although my wife says the diamond back rattlesnakes that hide under those bushes would have deterred her.)
One of the guys I would be overseeing is named Bubba. He's a really good worker I am told, if he feels like working. Sometimes he doesn't, because he's one of the 70 percent of males unemployed in the area. Why bother with work once you have enough for beer? And why bother with meals when beer has calories anyway?
Of course I could always drive into town if I get bored and see the beautiful Panama City who's entire industry is built around the couple weeks of the year when college kids come to get stone drunk and naked and cops never enforce underage drinking laws since that would hurt the local economy. When you walk into the grocery stores the first thing you see is a mountain of beer stacked for your convenience since their beer sales might plummet if people had to walk any farther than the front entrance to get it. Besides that there are plenty of local sources readily available since most people have an uncle with distilleries anyway.

Okay, so Phil swears he has never seen an alligator on the property - and the neighbors rarely see them either.

So what do you think?

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