Ouch

My mouth hurts. Just returned from the dentist. I have to go back tomorrow and then next Tuesday.

Shari, the Heel

It's so easy to love myself. Not that I am that lovable. I just tend to think mostly of me. This morning I was reading in my Bible. God says, "Give up your life to gain it. Hold tight to your life and you will lose it." Sounds crazy, so I hold fast to my life. I hold tight to what I want -- my ideas, my timing, my plans. It's hard for me to be flexible.
My husband says he is going to be home from work early and then we are going to my mom's house to work on a project. Then he calls to say he will be home late and we will be going to my mom's house tomorrow instead. I seem a little unhappy with the new plan while we talk on the phone. He comments -- you don't like to have your life revolve around someone else, do you? Ha! What a crazy question, of course I don't. But why not? What makes me think I should get what I want? What makes me think that my plans can't be changed, that I should enjoy someone's company, that I should be appreciated?
This sounds a little harsh to me. In one sense it is right for a husband and father to spend time with his family and to put their needs above others. But in this imperfect world that we live in, what if he can't? What if he doesn't want to? Will I hold tight to my desires, to what I want my life to be? Or will I love unconditionally? Will I cheerfully let my life revolve around someone else?
Yesterday I failed. I did not willingly give up my life. My husband came home after dark. The kids were in bed. He decided to sacrifice for me. He massaged my tired muscles and listened to me talk. The Bible speaks of the goodness of God leading to repentance. He used the goodness of my husband to lead me to repentance. I am so in love with myself.
When I survey the wondrous cross on which the King of glory died...
I pour contempt on all my pride.

Chocolate versus Strawberry

I am always surprised when I hear someone say that they never wanted a sister -- or that a brother was as good as a sister. I suppose that some have had bad experiences with a sister and that is almost tragic. To borrow the words of my sister. "Sisters are like chocolate. Brothers are like strawberries." It's easy for someone to say that they like strawberries and don't miss chocolate, or even feel the desire to eat some, if they have never tasted it. But once you have tasted chocolate, it draws you in, it entices you. Perhaps chocolate covered strawberries are the best.

Dentist Jargon

Today in the mail I got a reminder postcard for my dental appointment. This is the first in a three step treatment program. I have never had dental work done on my teeth before and I'm starting to get a little nervous. The thing I am wondering is do dentists know they have an unpleasant (painful) reputation to uphold? Why do dentists have to use words like "scaling" and "planing". Do they like to scare patients? Wouldn't it be a lot less intimidating to say "remove tarter build up" or "deep clean", instead of "plane and scrape your teeth with a chisel". (I admit, I did add the chisel part.) At my initial check up they told me they would numb the gums so that it would be "bearable". Maybe I should just stay home and loose all my teeth before I'm fifty.

Worse than Death

I didn't want my brother to die. I still don't. I look at the big eyes of his small children as they tell me a story, and I cannot understand. I start feeling like something is being squeezed inside, becoming tighter and tighter. Next month his oldest son turns 7. My oldest son turns 7 next month too, and I can't imagine telling him that he will never see his dad in this life again. He adores his dad. Dad is the smartest. Dad is the strongest. Dad is the cutest. (I've brain-washed them a little.) One night this week, my husband worked until 8pm. I felt like the day dragged on and on. There was no one coming home signaling the end of the work day and time for the family to be together and play. No adult lingering conversation around the dinner table. It's sad to think that every day for my sister-in-law is like that day. It is hard to stay motivated. I would not want that for anyone.
Recently, though, I saw something much worse. A relative of my husband also had heart surgery. Things went badly and the doctors thought he wouldn't make it. I kept checking the updates on him and praying that God would spare his life. This man hung between life and Hell. Through Jesus our pain is temporary. Without Him death is tragic.
The man pulled through. God gave him another chance, but will he take it?

Brain-washing

My husband says that mothers are the reason that grown men cannot figure women out. From childhood they are led to believe things that are not true about women. For example, a little boy runs up to his mother to give her a beautiful yellow flower. (Okay, it's really a weed.) But does she tell him it's a weed? No, she says thank you and acts excited. Not only is it a weed, but she is also carrying a baby and has no free hand to conveniently hold anything without her baby eating it. On top of that she is allergic to pollen. Now the little boy runs away steeped in deception. Perhaps. But I prefer to think the mother is appreciating his genuine thoughtfulness. We do try to teach our boys, as hard as it is for them to believe, that Mom really doesn't want a truck book, but sometimes it really is the thought that counts. Maybe we should treat our husbands more like little boys.

Favorite Quote of the Day

"It's amazing how one person can have such an impact and leave such a gaping, bloody hole if they are gone -- you're that person to me. " -- EAN

I think of all the silly, embarrassing things that I have said to people, and comfort myself that they probably don't even remember half of them. Then I think, they probably remember the half that I don't remember.