It's so easy to love myself. Not that I am that lovable. I just tend to think mostly of me. This morning I was reading in my Bible. God says, "Give up your life to gain it. Hold tight to your life and you will lose it." Sounds crazy, so I hold fast to my life. I hold tight to what I want -- my ideas, my timing, my plans. It's hard for me to be flexible.
My husband says he is going to be home from work early and then we are going to my mom's house to work on a project. Then he calls to say he will be home late and we will be going to my mom's house tomorrow instead. I seem a little unhappy with the new plan while we talk on the phone. He comments -- you don't like to have your life revolve around someone else, do you? Ha! What a crazy question, of course I don't. But why not? What makes me think I should get what I want? What makes me think that my plans can't be changed, that I should enjoy someone's company, that I should be appreciated?
This sounds a little harsh to me. In one sense it is right for a husband and father to spend time with his family and to put their needs above others. But in this imperfect world that we live in, what if he can't? What if he doesn't want to? Will I hold tight to my desires, to what I want my life to be? Or will I love unconditionally? Will I cheerfully let my life revolve around someone else?
Yesterday I failed. I did not willingly give up my life. My husband came home after dark. The kids were in bed. He decided to sacrifice for me. He massaged my tired muscles and listened to me talk. The Bible speaks of the goodness of God leading to repentance. He used the goodness of my husband to lead me to repentance. I am so in love with myself.
When I survey the wondrous cross on which the King of glory died...
I pour contempt on all my pride.
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