Do You Trust Me?

The other night we watched the testimony of Ann Conway that she had shared at an Institute of Basic Life Principles seminar. Someone at our church had given us this video to watch.
At the end I sat thinking, what have I learned from this? What have I gained? Because at that point, it seemed that all I got from the video was an over-whelming sense of pain.
When her son was one year old she noticed his diaper was really sagging and it was time for a change. When she changed him it was full of blood and clots. She went from doctor to doctor, anywhere that had some hope of coming up with answers. She waited much, holding her small, helpless son, feeling helpless herself. Waiting. Testing. Hoping to find that one doctor that could find the cure, that would even know what was wrong. This went on for years. How fragile life is, hanging in the balance, and God was asking her ... Do you trust me?
(Eventually they found the right antibiotic and he is a healthy man today.)

Many years later, it was time for her husband to transition to a new job. She wasn't worried if the job search took long because they had planned an emergency fund for this time and they had that cushion of security. But then the letter from the IRS came. Years ago, their business accountant had misplaced a decimal point in the forms and it turned out they owed the IRS all of their emergency fund. Good bye cushion. Good bye security. Now they had nothing, and this lasted for two years.

At one point she was so discouraged, she came to her bedroom, threw down the mail she was carrying, flopped across her bed and cried. Again God was asking.... Do you trust Me?

But then most crushing of all. Her daughter died. She rushed her to the hospital, but it was too late. She had bled to death from a mistake in surgery. The pain is great; I cannot escape it, so I try to think... What was the point of watching this? What have I gained?

Do you trust me? God says. It's easy to say we trust Him when we have that cushion of protection, when things are going our way or are at least comfortable.

But do you trust Him?

In the loss of a business?

In the uncertainty of what will happen with your child?

In financial crisis?

In the death of someone you love?

Because He is trustworthy.

I am left with the impression of how God had not abandoned her. When she needed to rush her daughter to the hospital and turned onto a packed interstate, God supplied someone for her to follow. For years she had followed her husband to work and on the back of his vehicle it read "Pathfinder." When a vehicle with "Pathfinder" on the back pulled in front of her she followed it without even thinking. She said the interstate was like a parking lot, but she recalls glancing at her speedometer once and it read 90mph. At one point she didn't follow and the driver rolled down his window and waved her over. I turned to my husband and asked if that was an angel. He got her to the hospital right before her daughter died.

God did not abandon them when she needed money and was so discouraged that she threw the mail and herself on her bed. In the mail was a letter from someone, that in her mind needed money more than her; but God had told them to write a check and they obeyed His voice. God supplied. He was still there and had not abandoned them.

Then I am left with the thought that one day our faith will be sight. When her daughter pulled up to the hospital she told her mom, "Jesus is here." I really believe He was. I think He was coming to bring her Home. She died shortly after that. I must remember to hold fast to the faith that we have. One day everything we believe to be true will be proven true.

I am left with the impression of how these people listened to God's voice. On the day their daughter died, her husband was scheduled to be at a meeting in another city; but really thought God was telling him to excuse himself from the meeting and come home. He obeyed God's voice, and called his wife to let her know he was coming. He explained that he didn't know why, and not to think he was crazy. Of course she didn't think he was crazy because then she told him that their daughter was in Heaven. WHAT! Can't you just hear the shock! Now he understood why God wanted him to cancel his meeting. He was already at the airport on his way home.

I am left with the thought that when everyone else is gone... Jesus is enough. Her daughter had just died. The doctors and chaplain were no comfort. Her husband was out of town. She was alone in a room in the hospital. Alone with Jesus...and He became enough for her.

So in the midst of this painful story, these jewels are left.

God will not abandon us.

Jesus is alive; Listen to His voice.

Jesus is enough.